Caring Enough to Confront Sermon SHORT

“Caring Enough to Confront”
Matthew 18
May 18, 2008

Today’s passage answers the question, “what do we do, as members of Christ’s community, when other members of the community sin against us?”

I. The Right Attitude:
The broader context of this passage is that Jesus is giving the norms and rules of His new creation society; He is instructing us in the ethics of His kingdom, how we are to live as subjects under His reign whose allegiance is to Him.

A. Humility – Matthew 18:1-4
Jesus instructs His followers on the need for humility, and on the need for the Biblical fruit of self-discipline.

B. Concern for Others – Matthew 18:10-14
The immediate context of this verse is that God believes in search-and-rescue missions. He speaks of the shepherd who, realizing that one of his sheep is missing, will leave the sheep that are in the fold and go searching for the one who is lost. Then, having found that sheep, he will rejoice more for that one that is found than for the 99 who never strayed away. We, as members of the community of the King, need to reflect that kind of loving concern for others, such that those who stray are sought after and brought back into the fold. So when we come to verse 15, we recognize that the context is restoration.

“If your brother sins against you…” – the implication here is a sin that is unconfessed and unrepented-of. It may well be a sin that the individual isn’t even aware he’s committed. Jesus has been warning against the evil of tempting others to sin, but what if the shoe is on the other foot? What if I’m the one sinned against?

II. The Right Approach: “Go and Tell Him His Fault” - :15a
Jesus says that if I have been sinned against by a brother, it’s my responsibility to go and tell him his fault. Now, this isn’t to contradict something I said last week: “it is the glory of a man to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11), and if that is possible, it ought to be done. Here are some guidelines as to when confrontation is best:
- Dishonoring God – I’m talking about the kind of sin that is public enough that the name of Jesus is harmed thereby.
- Distancing toward the other person – a rift is created between you and the other person that will not be mended absent face-to-face contact and restoration
- Damaging other people – the actions of the other person are clearly hurting someone else.
- Destroying himself – the person is engaging in self-destructive behavior.

The verb in Matthew 18:15 is a verb of continuous action, as in “keep on going, and do so until such time as it becomes obvious that nothing will change in the other person”.

Now, let’s not turn Jesus’ words into a legalism. Is it 100%, all the time, in every single circumstance, the best thing to go face-to-face, one-on-one with another person? Dare I say, “no”? Are there instances when going mano a mano isn’t prudent? Sure…
- When the other person can be physically abusive
- Perhaps when the other person has clearly superior arguing skills, such that intimidation of that sort comes into play
- When there is a very real concern that the person will manipulate the conversation to his ultimate advantage, or to the detriment of the person bringing up the issue

Regardless, we ought to be guided by genuine love for the other person, and the wisdom of God (Philippians 2:3-4; James 1:5). What’s the important thing Jesus is driving at? Dealing with the offending individual in such a way that restoration is the end result, by making him aware of his sin.

And from time to time folks will come to me and talk about a problem they’ve had with another person, some wrong that the person has committed against them. Here’s the first response my pastor always used to teach us to ask: “why are you telling me this?” This forces the person to face the critical question of motive. But assuming the motive is to resolve the issue and help the person, then the next question deals with method: “have you gone to the person and spoken with him about it?” Because this is what Jesus teaches us to do. And if the answer is “no”, then the next question is, “when are you going to do this”.

Allow me to suggest several Scriptural principles which promise to make the process as God-honoring—and dare as I as easy—as possible:
A. Speak the truth in love – Eph. 4:15
We have natural “truth-tellers”, people who find the basic message of today to be no big deal, because confrontation doesn’t scare them. The message for you is “love!” And then there are other folks who fall off the beam the other way; they’re the lovers, and sometimes, they’ll shrink back from confronting people who need to be confronted out of a misguided sense of “love”. Which are you? Speak the truth in love.

B. Speak grace, not law – Ephesians 4:29
Too many times, in conflict situations, we speak “law”—“you did this wrong! You violated the law”, if you will. Yes, there is a place for calling attention to such violations, but the context is grace! God saves us by grace, and makes us ministers of that grace! Speak grace!

C. Speak less, listen more – James 1:19
When I listen, I learn, and this caring confrontation needs to be a dialog, not simply putting the other person in her place. God gave you two ears that never shut, and one mouth that does. Act accordingly.

D. Speak with God’s wisdom – James 1:5
God the Holy Spirit lives in each person who is a follower of Jesus, and He is the Spirit of Wisdom Who delights in filling our minds and hearts with His wisdom, if we will ask for it.

III. The Right Outcome: “You Have Gained Your Brother” - :15b
What’s the purpose of confronting the offending person? It is for the sake of the offender, that he should find repentance, forgiveness, restoration, that his fellowship with God and with me should be restored. I have the privilege of being an instrument in the hand of God for the purpose of restoration!

Here’s how James puts it:

“My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20).

IV. The Right Determination: Persistence - :16-17
This passage gives warrant to what has become known as “church discipline”. If the individual who has sinned against us displays an obstinate refusal to apologize, we are to care enough for his spiritual well-being that we take others along with us to confront him. Ultimately, if he demonstrates a contempt for correction and is unwilling to reconsider and repent, we are to love him enough to bring his sin before the entire congregation and then, if no repentance is forthcoming, we are to love him enough to employ the shock-treatment of removing him from the congregation.

Sound harsh? Think about the alternatives:
- To not confront a person about a clear matter of sin is to say to the person, “we don’t care about your spiritual condition”.
- To not confront a person about a clear matter of sin is to say, “we don’t care about the public testimony of this church; it doesn’t matter how our members live.” That’s not a church I want to be a part of; it’s not a church worthy of the name.
- To not confront a person about a clear matter of sin is to say, “we don’t care about the Name of Jesus, because it doesn’t matter to us what people who bear His name do.”

V. The Right Response: Forgiveness - :21-34
If God treats us with grace, so must we treat others, and when we care enough to confront, and that confrontation ends in repentance, then we must forgive, regardless the depth of the offense against us

Caring enough to confront: this isn’t, in many respects, the most pleasant thing we’re called upon to do as followers of Christ, but it can be one of the most essential, because it’s part of being a peacemaker, and of fulfilling the text that sets the tone for this series, Ephesians 4:3: “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit”.

Five Good Questions
1. Can you think of a time when someone has lovingly confronted you, and it has helped you draw closer to Christ? Or, can you think of a time when you’ve done the same for another Christian, with the same effect? Share it with the group.
2. What do you do when someone begins to share “negative” information (gossip?) about another Christian with you? Do you think that your response could be more Christlike? How?
3. Consider the four Scriptural instructions about how to approach another person (the four “speaks”). Are there other Scriptures that you’d add to this list regarding our approach toward others? Do you have any suggestions you can share with the group as to how we might implement these things practically?
4. Read through and discuss “Practical Suggestions on Taking the Right Approach”.
5. Have you ever seen a church discipline case where someone was confronted about his sin, repented, and was restored to fellowship? Share it with the group. Do you think that forgiveness was difficult for some in the church to extend to this person? Why?

Looking Ahead
Next week, we finish this series by considering the final “G” of peacemaking: “Go and Be Reconciled”. We will be looking at genuine peace. Consider together this question: “what are some of the ingredients of genuine peace?